We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
