my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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