is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I can't put those talents on a resume
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
