i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
