why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
