The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
