he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
