So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
