I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
