I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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