words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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