i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
