ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
