new low.... made out with someone while peeing
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
