I love black thongs
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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