TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
