Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
