so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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