And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
