Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
