i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
