Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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