I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
