you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
