Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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