my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
