Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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