If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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