Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
