You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
