I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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