your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
