i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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