I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
