I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
