Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
