Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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