Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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