Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
BRING THE BAGELS
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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