i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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