Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
