True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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