i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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