so let's talk penis.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
