Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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