Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
