I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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