I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
