I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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