I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
