Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
