I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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